Diary of an Apprentice
In my first blog of 2024, I am sharing my experience of travelling to India, to attend Sue Knight’s NLP Intensive Learning Programme. If the year continues in this spirit, 2024 is going to be a year of rich and continuous delight in my life and learning journey.
At the end of 2023 I did two big things. I set up my Limitless Learning business and I signed up for an Apprenticeship with Sue Knight, an expert in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and learning. As an Apprentice, I am learning to learn to learn. With a beginner’s mind, I took myself back to the classroom and became curious about what makes great learning experiences. I am reconnecting with my innate curiosity, paying attention to the unique resources we all have within us, that enable us to live fulfilling lives and do meaningful work.
If you want to learn, model those who demonstrate expertise
Modelling excellence is at the heart of NLP and learning. So I took myself to India to be in the room with Sue and experience the learning environment she creates. Modelling means finding experts and modelling them by observing what they do, listening asking questions and copying them.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve drawn Karl Rohnke’s Comfort, Stretch, Panic model, encouraging others to move out of their comfort zone. Going to India on my own was a stretch for me. I normally travel with my husband, Craig. Craig is fastidious about details and loves travel planning – which means that for the last 34 years, I haven’t needed to do any travel planning. I’ve had the luxury of turning up at airports and being handed my passport and a boarding pass, knowing that all will be well. And it always is. We’ve never missed a flight, a connection or arrived at a destination where they weren’t expecting us. Nothing goes wrong on Craig’s watch.
Do you need a Visa for India? he asked me during the Christmas holiday. I don’t know? I replied. The look of horror on his face told me all I needed to know. I searched online and found out that I did. The process took 72 hours. I was travelling six days later. However, within the six-day period, there was a weekend and New Year holidays – and also a six hour time difference. I had hours to submit the visa application. I discovered that I needed the name and address of a sponsor who lived in India. I messaged Pat, who told me she asked Ramesh, one of the Programme Leaders. I emailed Ramesh to ask if he would provide his name and address and act as a sponsor. The time difference meant that Ramesh would be sleeping. I set the clock for 3am, hoping that Ramesh would see my email and reply. I am grateful that he did. He sent his details and I finalised the application in the middle of the night. I slowed down and checked everything twice, three times. You’re stressing me out and I’m not even going on this trip! Craig said. The Visa arrived in time (24 hours before I travelled) and all was well.
Some of my favourite lessons from the week.
One
The Power of Patterns
Sue shared a definition of NLP. NLP is the study of the structure of subjective experience.
‘Everyone’s experience is unique’ she said and ‘this week you will learn from studying your own and others’ subjective experiences.’ So far, so good. We took a trip on a ferry from Vipin to Fort Kochi. We were invited to speak to someone else in the group and share our experiences of the trip.’ I shared with Avinash. I shared that I was acutely aware of being on the other side of the world, on my own. I’d travelled to a place I didn’t know, with people I didn’t know and yet I felt completely at ease. I noticed the cranes in the docks and thought of the similarities of docks at home. I reflected on ships that may have been made in my hometown of Glasgow and sailed to India in the 20th century. I thought of my parents. My mother had travelled to India with a friend. I knew she’d be proud of me for making this solo journey. Avinash, my fellow learner, shared his experience of the ferry trip. He was thinking about how efficiently they’d loaded the ferry. The cars first, then the bikes then the people filled in the remaining spaces. We both thought of the Steven Covey story of the jar that you fill with big pebbles first, then little ones, then sand. He was astonished that no one checked the tickets. He was thinking that he could improve the systems of the ferry and in doing so, he also reflected on how he could continuously improve himself. One trip, two individuals and two completely different subjective experiences.
Two
Being Intentional with our Attention
It seems that I spend a lot of time in my head thinking. And when I do, I miss a lot of things that are happening around me. This is not new. I’ve done this all my life. When I was a child, my Dad used to point things out and ask ‘Did you see this flower?’ Did you notice that bird? He once asked me ‘What do you think about when you walk about with your eyes closed?’ as he pointed to things that I missed. This behaviour became apparent last week. I missed details that others noticed. Names, places, details, nuances, expressions, voice tones. Jo, an extraordinary voice teacher encouraged us to listen to the tones of the many dialects around us. We were mesmerised as she parroted back our South African, English, Scottish and North and South Indian accents. She modelled cadence, rhythm, tone, and musicality. She was hearing things that I wasn’t. I wondered if she had three ears. This was a profound lesson for me. To my knowledge, I am not deaf. But I may have some ‘tone deafness.’ When Jo demonstrated my Glasgow accent to the group, she drew attention to inflexions and cadence that I was unaware of. “Notice, how Monica raises her voice at the end of a sentence. The effect of this inflexion is that we are left wondering if she is asking us a question.” Wonderful feedback Jo. I am paying attention and listening more acutely.
Three
3. Finding ease in slowing down
On the beach at sunrise, Jayesh, our Yoga Teacher, invited us to begin with gentle stretching and deep breathing. ‘Observe your breath, notice your spine’ he instructed. Noticing my muscles and breathing were easy but had no sense of awareness of my spine. I shared this with Jayesh. ‘Yes’, he said. ‘The more you can become aware of the body, the more you can transcend the body.’ More learning. As we moved slowly through the exercises, guided by Jayesh’s honey-toned voice, I noticed that making small adjustments to how I was balancing or distributing my weight made a difference. I was able to hold postures for longer and with more ease.
Four
Dance into trance
In Scotland, we have the military Tattoo at Edinburgh Castle, where drummers, bagpipe players and Scottish dancers come together and provide a performance that highlights Scotland’s rich cultural heritage. In Kerala, we were treated to an exquisite performance of drumming by local drummers, and dancing by local dancers. The energetic powerful drumming raised the roof and the speed and grace of the dancing lifted my spirit. Initially, we sat and watched the performance, but within minutes people were on their feet. I followed in the footsteps of others. If they moved to the right, I followed. If they stepped back, I did that too. When they swayed, I swayed. I was grateful to Marcus, my brother, who’d taught me to dance, the year before. ‘All dancing is walking with style’ he told me. I copied the footwork, the beats, the bounces and the skips. Jonathan, a fellow learner, told me that the sound reached 120 decibels. He measured it on his phone. Everyone joined in the dance and Dhara and Monika led the group in Gudiya – a traditional Hindi dance. Monika demonstrated her whirling dervish excellence. People often lose themselves in dance music. In Scotland, the dance would often be fuelled with alcohol. Not in India. People let themselves go and be lifted by the music as they danced into a trance.
Five
5. Sweet humour
Learning and laughter are great companions. We laughed with each other and laughed at ourselves. As we laughed, our physiology changed into a more relaxed state and created a relaxing learning environment. Sue encouraged us to share stories using present-tense language. I doubled over with laughter as Gourie shared her experience of someone insisting that she takes sugar in her coffee! When she refused, the waiter asked her if she was diabetic. ‘No. I’m not diabetic’ she said. ‘Do you own a sugar factory?’ she challenged back. I learnt that sugar is symbolic of love in India. The more sugar we share, the more love we distribute. Sweet! I reflected on the power of present-tense language in stand-up comedy and how that present-tense language draws us into a story and connects with something in us.
Six
All in the eyes
“The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.” St Jerome 342 AD.
John Grinder, one of the founders of NLP writes that muscle tension, inner noise and foveal vision are three demons that prevent learning. Inner dialogue and overthinking can lead to muscle tension in the body. Curious to learn more about how foveal vision restricts learning, I read Chapter 2 of John Grinder’s book, Turtles All The Way Down and learnt about the ways that eye movement contributes to creating tension in the body. Eye functions include foveal and peripheral vision. These two types of vision are like the focus functions on a camera. We can zoom in on a subject, narrowing our vision with laser-like attention. Predatory animals use acute foveal vision. The effect of over-using foveal vision is that we may restrict our ability to see things that are happening in the periphery. Peripheral vision, like the camera, provides a wider view, a broader perspective of the landscape that can contain many subjects. We see and experience more. The ideal state is an efficient partnership between our foveal and peripheral vision. Peripheral vision’s vital role is to identify objects of possible interest to cue examination by the fovea. Without peripheral vision to support it, the fovea can be completely debilitating, as the experience of tunnel vision sufferers attests. This is not an isolated eye problem. Everything in the body is connected by the central nervous system, which is connected to all of our vital organs. Our optic nerves continually communicate with our central nervous system. I have experienced this first-hand experience of this. A few years ago, during a routine eye test, the optician told me that my peripheral vision wasn’t functioning as it should. It was so out of range, that he wanted to recalibrate his machine and asked me to return the next day. When I did, the measurements were still out of range. He advised me to go ‘straight to the Doctor.’ After a consultation with my GP, I was signed off work with high blood pressure and exhaustion. St Jerome, in 342 AD, had neither optometry equipment nor medical devices to measure eye and heart function, but he somehow knew of the mind-body connection between eyes and heart.
Seven
Provocative Power
Sue is big on provocation. She challenges. Someone mentioned that change is difficult. ‘Yes,’ she said gently. ‘But you can always stay as you are if you don’t want to change’. She looks into the eyes of the young man she is working with, a mischievous smile on her face, and says ‘It’s your choice. ‘Stay as you are and have an easy life or be willing to make changes for the life you want, to be the leader you want to be.’
Underpinning this interaction is Sue’s belief that “When you challenge limiting patterns in people, it gives them options that can open up their world.’ As the week unfolded, we experienced challenges to our statements, our thinking, our behaviour and some limiting beliefs. Challenging our limitations creates new options to learn and enrich our world.
Eight
The Value of Feedback
Very specific feedback was given. Sometimes it was accepted. Sometimes it was debated. It takes an open heart and open mind to accept feedback. Especially feedback we’d rather not hear. Feedback on excellence, feedback on behaviour, feedback on skills, feedback on contribution, feedback on attitude, feedback on tone, feedback on lateness, feedback on facial expression and feedback on feedback. I received feedback from many people in the group. Sue commented that she heard me speak more on the last evening than she’d heard me speak in the whole week. It was true. I had been quiet. Perhaps I was in listening and observing mode. Maybe I didn’t contribute as much to the group as I could have. Perhaps, I held myself back. And in doing so, I may have limited my learning. Playing safe. How often do I do that in life? I can think of meetings where I’ve observed rather than participated. Conversations where I’ve listened – in bystander mode – rather than sharing my feelings. Feedback is an invitation to become aware and becoming aware is the beginning of change. I ask questions and receive feedback that the quality of my questions could be better. I have another go. I feel the discomfort of my question being ‘not quite right’. I ask another question, this time with more details, and more specifics. I get a rich and rewarding answer. This reminds me of Richard Bandler. I trained with him 20 years ago . His message was that “The quality of your life is dependent upon the quality of questions you ask yourself.”
Nine
9. Owning Our learning
Sue places responsibility for learning firmly in our hands. No spoon feeding. No rescuing. “We have within us all the resources we will ever need’. Learning can be difficult at times. I welcome this. There’s no challenge in easy. I have grown more as human-being when I have done difficult things. Grown in character, grown in resilience, grown in self-belief, grown in self-respect. Learning requires something of us. If we want something for ourselves, we give something of ourselves to get it.
Ten
Be an Example of What You Teach
“I’m teaching people about excellence and I want to be a role model for excellence” Sue shares with me. In the three months that I’ve been working with her, she’s taught NLP in three countries. She moves with ease between cultures, cycling between France and Italy, and visiting her family in New Zealand. She shares her experiences on social media. Her love of cycling is evident. Where Sue goes, her bike goes. She lives and breathes inclusion in a way that I’ve only seen once before. This was the last time that I immersed myself in learning NLP with Judith Lowe in London. Judith too, like Sue, pays attention to everyone, acknowledging them, and thanking them in unique and personal ways. I accept Sue’s wisdom, that excellence requires more curiosity and less judgment. And, perhaps the most important lesson. If we want to change the world, we start by working on ourselves.
In my Coaching, I often ask clients ‘How are you getting in your own way?” I thought it was a good question. Sue points out that this question focuses on the problem state. She suggests an alternative. ‘How do you want to be’ and ‘How can you be that?’ and ‘How can you support yourself in being that?’
And so, in 2024, I want to be proactive and focused on the people and things that matter to me. I want to continue to grow through travel and exceptional life and learning experiences. I will deliver exceptional learning experiences for my clients. And in doing so, make 2024 a delightful year of thriving though limitless learning.
